Snow White’s Not-So-Evil Stepmother by Lee Hayton

Snow White

Do you have what it takes to be a princess?

If you enjoy being locked in a tower room for punishment, surrounded by nothing but gray brickwork while your life fades like a sepia-toned photograph, then you won’t want to miss this opportunity of a lifetime!

Are you good at parties? Do you like socializing and dancing? If you answered NO, you’re just the girl we’re looking for.

How about sitting in your princess-sized throne for hour after relentless hour? If you can handle sitting still and silent for days on end, you’re halfway there. Imagine the excitement of nodding to people you don’t know while all around you the peasants are having fun. What other job lets you practice fluttering your eyelashes to disguise your boredom?

If somebody catches your eye, befuddles your brain, makes your heartbeat pound like timpani at the back of the orchestra, do YOU have the experience necessary to forsake them? Our successful candidate will need to stick fast to their role rather than running off to steal forbidden kisses under the moonlight.

Although this job isn’t paid, you can rest assured we will provide you with enough mundane tasks to fill your entire day. Settle into the comfortable routine, and you’ll never have to think for yourself again. Even better, if you apply now, you’ll have the opportunity to memorize twelve volumes of outdated rules and regulations.

This role has it all, but do you? If you think you have what it takes to be the dutiful toe-the-line princess of Ivy Kingdom, then scroll up to fill out an application today!

Legal Disclaimer: Ivy Kingdom isn’t known for happy endings.

 

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